I'm trying to walk by faith while giving nothing but love along the way while seeking the love of our Heavenly Father. Will you walk with me?

Friday, November 16, 2012

Single girl swag.

Single. That's a word that most girls dread. It seems so cold and so lonely, as if no one would even want to date us. It's a word that describes a torturous, harsh, sad time in one's life. Single is the opposite of  love and the opposite of what women desire. We all want that one person to love us and cherish us. We want that one person who is going to care about us in that special way and make us feel wanted and special. We all want that one man who proves to us that all guys are not the same. We want that man who will fight for us and prove to us that there is no one he would rather be with. We want that partner in life who will walk by our sides and love us through the ups and downs. Yes, single, is a word that is just plain awful and it's a world that is even worse.

But what if I told you that there is another definition of single? That single doesn't mean sad, unlovable, unwanted and that you're going to end up all alone with 12 cats. What if I told you that single can be statement rather than a definition? Don't let single define you. Don't let single say to the world that you are in need of a relationship and that you can't survive without one. Instead, let single say to the world that you are a strong, independent woman and that you don't need a man to complete you!

Believe it or not, being single can be such a blessing. But it's your attitude about it that determines it. Singleness isn't a torture sentence. Singleness is an opportunity for growth and preparation. Your future spouse is out there and they are going to be someone SO amazing. This person is going to be the best thing that has ever happening to you. So don't you want to be the best thing that has happening to them?

Being single gives you the time to work on yourself. It allows you to prepare and become the person of God that you are called to be. You don't have to focus on another person and invest all of your time, energy, and emotions into them. Instead, you are investing your time into yourself. This is not selfish. We need to be the best people we can be for ourselves in order to be the best for someone else. We need to be happy and complete single before giving yourself to another person. Say you're a gardener and you know that your vegetables are the best veggies in town. You take pride in your veggies and you give the best veggies you can to your costumers. And by doing so, you make a great difference in the lives of your costumers. You bring them satisfaction and in turn, this brings you satisfaction. If they weren't satisfied, then that would be incredibly disheartening. So you wait for the veggies to grow and become the biggest and best veggies they can be. You would never sell unripened veggies; that would bring dissatisfaction. They aren't ready to be given out yet. They have to work on themselves before become ripe. The same goes for you. Why give yourself to someone if you are not ripe yet? If you are called to marriage and to be in a relationship, you would want to give that person the best you can. Just as a gardener wouldn't give their costumers unripened veggies, do not give your potential partner an unripened person. Don't jump into a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. Begin a relationship when you are ready to. But it is necessary to take the time to be single and work on yourself. Being single allows for us to mature and become the best we can be. Without distractions and without the love-fog of a relationship, you can truly see the areas in yourself that need work on. Take the time for you. Learn to love yourself and be completely happy with yourself. If you don't love yourself, then how can you love someone else?

Singleness is an incredible opportunity to grow in faith. For me, it has brought a whole new meaning to trusting God and chasing Him. I trust God. I know that my future husband is out there and I know that in His time, He will lead me to that person. I do not need to go out looking for that person. When the time is right, God will put that person into my life. Instead of chasing guys and looking for a boyfriend, I'm left to chase God and look for Him. Granted, it's not easy. There are cute boys everywhere--especially Jesus-loving boys. However, I'm learning self discipline. I thank God for making great, attractive brother in Christ, and then continue to look at Him. Although I desire marriage one day, and it's completely natural for me to be looking for a mate, it's a gift to have time to look at Christ and Christ alone. Only Christ can satisfy, and I am learning this on a daily basis. Women tend to think that once we find that nice guy, all of our problems will go away and our thirst for love will be quenched. But this isn't true. The only One who can quench that thirst for love is Love Himself. Only God can fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts. Having this in my mind makes it easier to deal with the attractive distractions. Even when I'm married, only Christ will satisfy and be the true giver of joy in my life. I am learning to love Him in a way that I never have before. Being single has allowed this. Instead of looking for a boyfriend or looking to please a boyfriend, I look at Him and I am at peace. By learning to love Him more than anything and anyone will allow me to better love my future husband someday. But right now, I'm focusing on become the woman that God has created me to be. I am focusing on my relationship with my Best Friend. He is the only Man I desire in my life right now. Because of this, my faith is growing day by day.

Because of being single and having no desire to date at this time of my life right now, so much pressure is relieved. When I meet a new guy, I don't have to worry about whether or not he's someone I can date. Instead, my intentions are pure and I seek only a friendship. This brings so much freedom. It allows me to be independent and to not be defined by a relationship. It allows me to have true brothers in Christ without the pressure of dating or thinking that something more has to come out of it. That in and of itself is such a blessing. It also says to the world what I think about myself.
"After all, independent women are the most alluring to men. When a woman looks like she's waiting to be asked out, it makes you wonder why she hasn't been. On the other hand, if she's happy with her independence, she doesn't appear to be accessible. She's a challenge. It's as if she's saying, 'I don't need you to complete me, but you're free to try.' She seems content with herself. Such a positive demeanor naturally draws others in. But this happiness must be authentic joy. It cannot be a happy mask worn to become more likeable." - Jason Evert

Now, singleness isn't always going to be easy. You aren't always going to feel like a strong, independent woman. It's hard to be single in such a dating-obsessed culture. Lets face it, every movie you watch, there's an adorable, romantic love story. Commercials, magazines, books, media; there is always some sort of connection to love and relationships. On a college campus, it seems as if everywhere you turn, there's an adorable couple holding hands or kissing. It's everywhere. There will be days when you do feel lonely and you do long for someone else. But rise above it and trust God. Trust that He is writing your love story. He's a pretty great author, so there is no denying that is it going to be an amazing story. Your future husband is out there. I don't know who my future husband is, but he gives me so much hope. Just knowing that one day, I will be able to experience the most amazing love brings me so much joy and hope. But for now, I need to work on become the woman he deserves and I need to work on become the woman God is calling me to be. The same goes for you. We need to work on being the best women and sisters in Christ we can be.

So enjoy your singleness! Let it be a time of growth and exploration! Enjoy great friendships. Have fun! Enjoy having a time of your life not tied down to another person. Plain and simple, just do you! Love will come your way when the time is right. Don't go looking for love. Let it look for you. "Do no arouse, do not stir up love before it's own time." -Song of Songs 2:7. Go become the woman God has made you to be! You are stronger than you think and you don't need a man to complete you! The perfect Man already completes you; and He died on the cross for you. With Christ, you have all you need! So enjoy being single and trust and love God with all you have!

1 comment:

  1. First, I have to admit this is awesome, I have been considering for a while now starting a blog about the faith and I think ill just live that out vicariously through you now.

    Now to actually reply, I have to agree completely about all of this (kudos on the gardener metaphor). The only thing I feel you didn't touch on too much is the freedom of being single. Being in a relationship comes with great rewards but it also comes with many responsibilities. The greatest joy of being single comes from being able to follow Christ just at the spur of the moment. Just like the apostles dropped everything and followed him, as a single person we have the freedom to do that everyday. In a relationship its much harder to do that, specially in a marriage and even more so if you have kids.

    Someone's vocation may be marriage, but God's plan for a person is much larger than just their vocation. There is so much that he has for us to do everyday. Single people can do a lot of good works for God that married people can not, and vice versa. God counted the hairs on our heads before he made us, his plan for us takes into account every second of our life; so no matter where you are in life he has a will for you.

    Although I have felt a very concrete call to the priesthood, and have had it confirmed several times, it is still a struggle to live single. We long for love and affection, we need God's grace to seek it in the only place we can receive it.

    It is awesome to see faith and purity in you. Seeing your faith inspires me to continue to strive towards God. Keep it up, my prayers will be with you.