Today I went back to CYFM to cook for a retreat. It was so awesome to go back. But at the same time, it was a little bit weird-a good weird. I was looking at the pictures on the wall. I happened to come across the ones that I was in. I couldn't help but think about how that girl in those pictures is not the same girl. I'm not who I was when those pictures were taken. Those pictures were taken only 3 years ago, but since then so much has changed. I've changed.
I've never been a fan of change. Life after my dad died seemed to be a never ending change; which it was. I got to the point where I was so sick of change and I just wanted it all to stop. But now I'm realizing that life never stops changing. We never stop changing. And I'm learning that I need to accept the change. I cannot prevent change. I have to embrace it and let it happen. Change is good.
I thought about this the entire drive home. I'm not the same person I was 2 months ago. I've changed and college is changing me. But I think that this is a good change. I've been learning so much and my mind has been opened to a lot. I've been learning about myself, others, and my faith. I'm learning what my limits are and how to react to certain situations that I never had to face before. I'm questioning things that I've never questioned myself. I'm questioning myself. I'm questioning my faith. I'm questioning the ways of this world. It's actually pretty awesome to be own my own and free to question these things. As a religion teacher in high school once said: "question everything." And, let me tell you, I am. But with the questioning, comes change. I am changing. I got my nose pierced and I cut my hair shorter than my boyfriend's. I'm not entirely sure who I am, or what I believe. I'm not entirely sure what God wants me to be. But you know what? That's okay. And in the midst of the change, I'm finding that there is one thing that is unchanging. God. God doesn't change and that is such a beautiful thing. Although I may be questioning and changing, He doesn't change and His love for me never changes. That's a pretty amazing thing. It gives me so much peace. I wish word could describe how comforting it is to know that among the change, questions, and uncertainty, God is a rock; He's not going anywhere and He's not changing. Whoa.
College is a whole new world; a whole new ball game. It's a world that instantly throws you into the unknown and leaves you to find your way. I have to say, it was a pretty easy adjustment for me. But my world has changed. College is the time for change. I'm starting to find that change can be good.